This is a story about the time I racked my balls. It is a Halloween costume story. Halloween is my second favorite holiday after Sick Day.
Past costumes include:
Ninja (This required me to practive “walking like a ninja,” which I did a lot, until I was a total expert.)
There’s also the year I lived in Manila and would only wear a Casper the Friendly Ghost costume. The whole year.
When we got our own TV I started watching The Incredible Hulk.
At some point I went trick-or-treating as The Incredible Hulk.
I told a friend about my childhood costumes and she said I must’ve had “gender confusion.” I don’t think so. But, in her defense, there was this time in my childhood when I did not know/use the word “vagina” but knew/used the words “balls” and “dick.” I remember this vividly b/c it involves a crotch-landing and I tend to recollect vividly things that involve crotch-landings.
It was when my brother and I had many unsupervised evenings b/c my dad was away a lot on Science and my mom had become a Bingo enthusiast.
One evening we were playing Bruce Lee and my brother was chasing me all around the house b/c he was gonna show me the way of the exploding fist. He chased me into my bedroom and I was cornered, so I went up the bunkbed ladder. When my brother had pursued me up to the top bunk, I jumped down, crotch-landing on the doorknob. I fell winded onto the carpet & said something about my dick. It hurt so. Then I passed out a little.
When I came to the soft neighbor lady was there. She kneeled her soft body over me, her evenly parted black hair her glasses her cigarette. Between drags she asked me what happened. I whispered into her “I racked my balls.”